When did the hallucinations begin? My brother has been dead
for a month. When did the hallucinations begin? I called my mother from New
York, two months before my brother died. She said she was ok and that I should
not worry. She said I was with her all the time, I even slept with her. Her
comment did not make me think about grief, it made me think about of
contentment. A feeling that I was always with her in spirit, a comment born of
compassion, giving me freedom to enjoy my vacation.
When did the hallucinations begin? Seeing the cat in the
house, when it was in the yard? Waking up to see her mother and my father
standing in her bedroom and her offering to make them breakfast. My mother does
very little cooking or eating these days. Today I prepared three meals for her
and she ate only one. She sits in her chair watching the Russian television
station with no sense of time and in the company of hallucination of me and her
dead mother, offering them oranges. Is she a victim of depression?
When did the hallucinations begin? My brother died a month
ago at the age of 67, my mother’s only son; my only sibling. A parent should
not outlive their child. My mother is 92 years old and she told me while he was
sick that she wished she could trade places with her son. She had lived a long
life and he deserved more time. She did not have that power. My brother had
been fighting cancer for 18 months.
When did the hallucinations begin? My mother did not visit
when he was sick. There were excuses. It was too far to travel. It was too
difficult a trip. It was an 8 hour drive, admittedly a long time to travel in a
car for a woman of her age. She did not offer financial help for the enormous
doctor bills or the loss of income by brother and his wife had to contend with.
Admittedly she was concerned about conserving her money for her own care. She
barely spoke to him on the phone. Admittedly it was difficult to hear the pain
in his voice and know she could not make him better. Is she a victim of guilt?
When did the hallucinations begin? She has been slipping
slowly over the last year or so, sharing the company of more and more friends
and loved ones that only she can see. I thought it was the end coming for her.
People tell stories of the aged hallucinating at the end, but she has been
doing it longer then the anecdotal accounts foretell. I thought it might be
dementia but she remembers my children’s birthdays and how much money she sent
them last year.
I know now that the hallucinations give her comfort. She is
a passenger on the grief train. Everyone takes a trip on that train after the
loss of someone dear. The duration and the route of the trip is very personal.
Some people never return from the trip. Like those wives who loses their spouse
of 60 years and die a few months later. While I ride along dealing with the
loss of my brother I wonder if my mother will just slowly slip away from me,
not able to come to terms with the death of her only son, who strangely, is
never one of her imaginary visitors.
